There’s a peace, and anxiety brewing in my spirit this morning. I’ve had a whirlwind of a month, and that doesn’t necessarily surprise me. I’ve kind of had a whirlwind of a few years/life. This morning, I emptied the dishwasher, cleaned the counters, loaded the dishwasher, brewed a french press, lit some candles, poured myself a cup of coffee, and took a deep breath in the sunlit seating of my kitchen counter.
I opened my bible to John 8, and skimmed through until I read this: V28: “When you have lifted the Son of Man on the cross, then you will realize that I am he and that I do nothing on my own, but I speak what the Father had taught me. And the one who sent me is with me - he has not deserted me. For I always do those things that are pleasing to him."
Jesus’ words hit my heart in rhythmic patterns as I read, and re-read what he spoke. ”that I do nothing on my own…" - "And the one who sent me is with me" - "For I always do those things that are pleasing to him”.
Piercing, is the last statement. Like daggers in the chest, it stabs my core. Oh the many sins I bear, and suffer with, and repent over, and do them again, and again, and again… Jesus was sent for people like me. Jesus had to come so that people like me didn’t die horrible deaths and live in the grave for eternity. Jesus had to die for me - because of grace. It was God’s gift to me to send him to say those words so that I would read them, and hear them, and know them, and DO them. I’m trading in my sorrows and my sin everyday to make that last statement not hurt as badly as it did this morning. Conviction is a beautiful thing. Do you know what’s even more beautiful?
Forgiveness after conviction.
He says it in verse 29 - and the one who sent me is with me - he has not deserted me. Even in my sin, and silly situations, I forget that this perfect man died for me - all so that I could live in full freedom, and live without regrets. It’s when I do things on my own, in my own ways, that everything begins to fall apart. I’ve got to remember that Jesus died so that I wouldn’t have to live in fear, or condemnation. He’s always with me. God loves us as much as He loved his own son. He wouldn’t ever leave me. He wouldn’t desert me. He wouldn’t leave me high and dry.
How perfectly fitting that just a few sentences under these verses Jesus reminds the Jewish people this: “You are truly my disciples if you keep obeying my teachings. And you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free."
My deep breaths to heal the stress, and cups of coffee are almost finished, and I stare at my hands as I type this. Today is a new day.
Thank you father that you love me. I’m so thankful that you’re the only one who brings me peace. Thank you for reminding me that you come to complete me, not to destroy me. You come to break bad habits, not hearts. I’m sorry for running circles around you and the people I love. I’m sorry for chasing the most temporary things in life - things that do not last, and things that do not matter. You have the most perfect plan for me, and I get to partner with you to do it all! For with you there is peace, and with you there is joy, and with you there are brighter days.
And for this reason, I have hope.