twentysomething love

My heart on a 14 inch computer screen. <3
For the past month or so, I&#8217;ve been partnering with multiple women around our beautiful city of Portland, chatting at the sky about all the dreams we have for our dear city, and loving that we get to share in community. We are women who are filled with questions, and want true, real answers to the mysteries we face. And we are women who believe that with God, the impossible happens. What if we all gathered together for one night, worldwide, and prayed for God to meet with us? What if we prayed for crazy things to happen in our city? I suppose we will find out! Because tonight, we are partnering with thousands of women all over the world to pray and lift up the name of Jesus in our cities! We are confident that God moves when people gather to lift him up! Email me at Samantha@myhopecity.org for the address if you are in the greater Portland metro area, and I will gladly get you the address to tonight&#8217;s event! We are so excited! See you soon!! 💜💜💜 @lundyk @erikakwilde @jennbecker1 @landofozfam #iflocalportland #ifprayerportland #ifportland #prayer #Portland #equip

For the past month or so, I’ve been partnering with multiple women around our beautiful city of Portland, chatting at the sky about all the dreams we have for our dear city, and loving that we get to share in community. We are women who are filled with questions, and want true, real answers to the mysteries we face. And we are women who believe that with God, the impossible happens. What if we all gathered together for one night, worldwide, and prayed for God to meet with us? What if we prayed for crazy things to happen in our city? I suppose we will find out! Because tonight, we are partnering with thousands of women all over the world to pray and lift up the name of Jesus in our cities! We are confident that God moves when people gather to lift him up! Email me at Samantha@myhopecity.org for the address if you are in the greater Portland metro area, and I will gladly get you the address to tonight’s event! We are so excited! See you soon!! 💜💜💜 @lundyk @erikakwilde @jennbecker1 @landofozfam #iflocalportland #ifprayerportland #ifportland #prayer #Portland #equip

There are brighter days…

Hello twentysomething readers!

Everytime I sit down at my computer to write something out, I’m drowned out by over thinking, and hit a road block.  I keep thinking this same thing over, and over again - like a banging gong in my ear, and in my heart:

I’m so tired of writing about myself.

 I’m so ready to help people in another way. 

While I do believe that my openness in this blog has helped give insight, teaching, and support to my readers, I don’t feel like twentysomething love is a place I want to steward any longer.  

Over the past 6 months I’ve been toying with the idea of starting a co-op blog project.  A collaborative place for women from different stages of life and different ages, to read, respond, feel refreshed, and inspired. A plethora of writers to be featured, with topics ranging from hope, stories, secrets from the trade, food, soul work, home, families, marriage and relationships, time, and Mama’s hearts. I can’t tell you the excitement I feel as I purchased a domain! I feel like I’m decorating a house, or something! 

As this next year unfolds, so will this blog, as I enter into the unknown and scary world of HTML, and design,in order to hopefully make it exactly how I envision it to be! With the help of others, this project will be so much fun.  I can’t wait to show you everything. 

In the meantime, save this webpage to your bookmarks, or jot it down on a piece of paper. There’s nothing up yet, and the design hasn’t even been touched, but I’m not embarrassed to show you…

  thebrighterdays.org

I’ll still write on twentysomething love occasionally, but I do feel as if the Lord is doing a new thing in my life, and making my life full of community. If I can share this same community I have with other women across the board, then I’m all in with this project, and just asking God to bless it. 

Here are some encouraging scriptures the Lord has reminded me of, and blessed me with as I’ve been praying about this decision: 

"Am I a God at hand, declares the Lord, and not a God far away? Can a man hide himself in secret places so that I cannot see him? Do I not fill heaven and earth?…" Jeremiah 23:24 

God knows all, and He sees all - He’s not blind to what we do; our hearts desires, and such - He’s a trustworthy man who cannot lie. 

To my readers, please know that God is a father, first and foremost - and in His word is where we will find all of our hope, and rescue. I don’t ever want get too distracted by fancy blogs, or people to give fulfillment where the Lord was supposed to.  While blogs offer so much inspiration, and hope for some very tired souls - I’ve been forced in this season of silence to do what only not being able to write could do - Look to his very words.  

"Incline your ear, and come to me; hear, that your soul may live; and I will make with you an everlasting covenant… Seek the Lord while he may be found; call upon him while he is near; let the wicked forsake his way, and the unrighteous man his thoughts; let him return to the Lord, that he may have compassion on him, and to our God, for he will abundantly pardon, and forgive. For my thoughts are not your thoughts. Neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts."  

"For as the rain and the snow come down from the heaven and do not return there but water the earth, making it bring forth and sprout, giving seed to the sower and bread to the eater, so shall my word be that goes from my mouth; it shall not return to me empty, but it shall accomplish that which I purpose, and shall succeed in the thing for which I sent it. For you shall go out in joy and be led forth in peace; the mountains and the hills before you shall break forth into singing, and all the trees of the field shall clap their hands."  Isaiah 55:3-12

What an amazing promise, and instruction! 

My prayer for the brighter days, is that it will only be a source - not THE source - for you to find glimpses of hope, encouragement, inspiration, and share in a community of gratitude with others.  

See you soon, twentysomething loves! I’ll be back!

xo

Sam

Only a few know my story, but a lot of people share it. But I can tell you that had I not walked through darkness - I would have never been able to know what light looked like. It&#8217;s suicide prevention week - and if you know someone, or you yourself need help, please reach out to someone. Anyone. Don&#8217;t do this alone. My life is changed for the better because of people. #ifyoudontquityouwin #dontgiveup #suicideprevention #mentalhealth 
1-800-273-Talk

Only a few know my story, but a lot of people share it. But I can tell you that had I not walked through darkness - I would have never been able to know what light looked like. It’s suicide prevention week - and if you know someone, or you yourself need help, please reach out to someone. Anyone. Don’t do this alone. My life is changed for the better because of people. #ifyoudontquityouwin #dontgiveup #suicideprevention #mentalhealth
1-800-273-Talk

I have always loved the water. Always taking risks and facing waves head on. I never feared them. I remember this one time when I was little, my brother and I had our backs to the ocean, and we were sinking our toes deep into the sand on the shoreline. We liked the way it felt - like we were moving in and out&#8230; One minute we were laughing and dizzy, and the next moment my brother yelped, &#8220;Whoa, Sam! Run!&#8221; And tackled me away into the wave that crashed over the top of us. We rolled with the water, screaming, and shutting our eyes as tightly as our eyelids could allow. Obviously, we survived, and we walked away gasping, and thankful. My brother ran to tell my mom what he had done for me. &#8220;Mama! Mama! I saved Sam! I saved her from the giant wave!&#8221; He said, beaming, and heroic like.  I remember it like it was yesterday. - I&#8217;m not afraid of waves am even after that moment. A foreshadow to my current experiences, and tribulations. Waves ain&#8217;t got no thang on me. #tbt #instastory #family #oceansdeep #water #portland #nwisbest #pacificnw #vscocam

I have always loved the water. Always taking risks and facing waves head on. I never feared them. I remember this one time when I was little, my brother and I had our backs to the ocean, and we were sinking our toes deep into the sand on the shoreline. We liked the way it felt - like we were moving in and out… One minute we were laughing and dizzy, and the next moment my brother yelped, “Whoa, Sam! Run!” And tackled me away into the wave that crashed over the top of us. We rolled with the water, screaming, and shutting our eyes as tightly as our eyelids could allow. Obviously, we survived, and we walked away gasping, and thankful. My brother ran to tell my mom what he had done for me. “Mama! Mama! I saved Sam! I saved her from the giant wave!” He said, beaming, and heroic like. I remember it like it was yesterday. - I’m not afraid of waves am even after that moment. A foreshadow to my current experiences, and tribulations. Waves ain’t got no thang on me. #tbt #instastory #family #oceansdeep #water #portland #nwisbest #pacificnw #vscocam

I’m exhausted, worn, and in need of rest. Yes it’s physical, but it’s also more than that, it’s emotional, mental, and spiritual. It’s a deep unsettling weariness that a vacation cannot fix, a thunderstorm of questions that seem to drag my soul down. Yet, when I really look at this unrest, I see that I am a child holding all the burdens that I have been called to leave behind. I struggle and strain to hold on, tears filling my eyes as I try and prove who I am. But thank God for His kindness, that He does not scold me, instead He gets on my level, seeing me, eye to eye and heart to heart. He says to me “My child, this is not for you.” how I have heard these words over and over again, and yet He says them, and it pierces me. Christ has the scars to show us that the past is no longer etched on us, but on Him. That rest is found at His feet, listening to His voice, that same voice that awoke stars and galaxies, that made possible streams and mountains. Oh, yes, I am weak, but He brings me strength, because He is my strength.

Rest, see, and understand the goodness of Christ, for He wants you in no other place than by His side; and in no other place shall we find rest, than by the wounded side of Jesus.

—T.B. LaBerge // Go Now (via tblaberge)

(via annabelletell)

The Cost of Strife

When you first begin to date someone, theres always that cute period of time where you’re just learning about them in such a pure, and safe way.  You know - text messages of sweet good mornings, and good nights all wrapped up in daily conversations of favorite colors, places to eat, and people you love mutually.  Time progresses, and things get comfortable really quickly.  Phone calls are shorter, texts are fewer in between, and that cute relationship can begin to be a hard relationship.  I mean, you’re dealing with a human.  A real person with feelings, hormones, words of their own, and actions to follow.  You’re having to try and work things out with someone’s very own will and desires.  That’s really difficult to do.  I commend those of you married more than 10 years. You’ve had to do a lot of labor to maintain relationship, and not harden your hearts towards one another.  

Can i ask a real question?

Should it really be that hard?

Maybe it shouldn’t be that hard.  Maybe I’ve done a lot of striving in relationships because I was forcing something that naturally wasn’t supposed to be together in the first place? I know relationships take work, and can be difficult - but everyday?  Not knowing you’re worth something to the other person; constantly wondering if they appreciate you, or love you; worrying if they have something else in mind.  It’s a tail spin of rejection, and it’s soul shattering.

I’ve worked so hard this year to find peace, and contentment in singleness - and not for “the record” or for the checked box theory - but honestly, because I was tired of the strife it all took. I’m not stupid. I know that my worth is precious, and that striving gets me no where quickly or good. Striving breaks hearts, and creates a pattern of discontentment that sticks for a while. It bruises, and stings, and it takes nothing short of a rehab process to fight it off.  

I tried OkCupid for a hot minute, and about a week later I was off of it, and totally unamused. I hate the game, quite honestly.  It’s a wild goose chase, and all I want to do is sit down for a minute, and wait.  

That’s what tonight is. Step one, and day one of rehab for me. Striving has separated me from trusting in what the Father has for me. It’s been my greatest time thief, and greatest control factor.  

So, here I am. Waiting. Resting. Reflecting, and rejoicing. The Lord has done such an amazing job of patching my broken spirit and heart up.  He’s taken all my ashes, and turned them into something so amazing, and beautiful.  

Perhaps it’s not the people that make relationship hard, but the striving produced by our natural human flaws that make them seem more difficult than they should? 

xoxo

sam

Breaker of habits; not of hearts.

There’s a peace, and anxiety brewing in my spirit this morning.  I’ve had a whirlwind of a month, and that doesn’t necessarily surprise me.  I’ve kind of had a whirlwind of a few years/life.  This morning, I emptied the dishwasher, cleaned the counters, loaded the dishwasher, brewed a french press, lit some candles, poured myself a cup of coffee, and took a deep breath in the sunlit seating of my kitchen counter.

I opened my bible to John 8, and skimmed through until I read this: V28: “When you have lifted the Son of Man on the cross, then you will realize that I am he and that I do nothing on my own, but I speak what the Father had taught me.  And the one who sent me is with me - he has not deserted me.  For I always do those things that are pleasing to him.

Jesus’ words hit my heart in rhythmic patterns as I read, and re-read what he spoke.  ”that I do nothing on my own…" - "And the one who sent me is with me" - "For I always do those things that are pleasing to him”. 

Piercing, is the last statement.  Like daggers in the chest, it stabs my core.  Oh the many sins I bear, and suffer with, and repent over, and do them again, and again, and again… Jesus was sent for people like me.  Jesus had to come so that people like me didn’t die horrible deaths and live in the grave for eternity.  Jesus had to die for me - because of grace.  It was God’s gift to me to send him to say those words so that I would read them, and hear them, and know them, and DO them.  I’m trading in my sorrows and my sin everyday to make that last statement not hurt as badly as it did this morning.  Conviction is a beautiful thing.  Do you know what’s even more beautiful?

Forgiveness after conviction.  

He says it in verse 29 - and the one who sent me is with me - he has not deserted me.  Even in my sin, and silly situations, I forget that this perfect man died for me - all so that I could live in full freedom, and live without regrets. It’s when I do things on my own, in my own ways, that everything begins to fall apart.  I’ve got to remember that Jesus died so that I wouldn’t have to live in fear, or condemnation.  He’s always with me. God loves us as much as He loved his own son.  He wouldn’t ever leave me. He wouldn’t desert me.  He wouldn’t leave me high and dry.

How perfectly fitting that just a few sentences under these verses Jesus reminds the Jewish people this: “You are truly my disciples if you keep obeying my teachings.  And you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.

My deep breaths to heal the stress, and cups of coffee are almost finished, and I stare at my hands as I type this.  Today is a new day.  

Thank you father that you love me.  I’m so thankful that you’re the only one who brings me peace.  Thank you for reminding me that you come to complete me, not to destroy me.  You come to break bad habits, not hearts. I’m sorry for running circles around you and the people I love.  I’m sorry for chasing the most temporary things in life - things that do not last, and things that do not matter. You have the most perfect plan for me, and I get to partner with you to do it all!  For with you there is peace, and with you there is joy, and with you there are brighter days.  

And for this reason, I have hope.

Love you. 

Sam

Grip and Grasp Hope.

I’ve had a lot of reasons in my life to be thankful for the amazing grace that falls into my lap everyday.  

I’ve been rescued from so many things in my 25 year life span, and I get to continue to be rescued everyday for another 25 years.  I get to pour out, and receive in total joy - because I think I have found glimpses what true hope means.  

Hope means to wait in faith for things you can’t yet see - eagerly expecting greatness - whatever form it comes in. 

I’ve made good room in my life for more hope than I can type out.

I’ve hoped for a lot of things in my life, and along the way my pride has been blown out the window, and humbleness crept its way in, and I’ve been overjoyed most days to have been able to receive such incredible things that make me feel so fortunate.  

It’s amazing grace. 

It’s sweet mercy. 

It’s deep in love. 

It’s rich in hope.

I’d be lying if I said this was all and has all been easy - it hasn’t been.  

Like I said - pride “blowing out windows” may make it seem like the wind swept it away, and like a brand new morning, came a fresh start… But it took time, and hard work, and prayers, and crying until my face went raw, and writing - oh the writing - and the lack of writing, and the silence, and the solitude, and the time… did I mention the time? 

And then God sent people to care for my soul; to see me, and hear me, and tell me good things - to help offer some hope; to help me see and feel and know amazing grace on a completely new level.  

Not all is lost, my wandering friends. Not all is forgotten, nor remembered, depending on the side you see things from.  

There’s this grace that’s amazing, this mercy that’s so sweet, this love that is so deep, and this hope that is so rich, and you get to let it all encompass you, like it did me, and you get to start fresh.  

Now.  Don’t wait another minute.  

I’m making some life decisions as of late, and if I didn’t grip or grasp all of those things - I might be lost in this pursuit of Gods heart.  

Grip, and grasp, dearhearts.  Grip, and grasp the tangible heart of God. 

The LORD is merciful and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love. {Psalm 103:8}

Israel, put your hope in the Lord,
    for with the Lord is unfailing love
    and with him is full redemption.
He himself will redeem Israel
    from all their sins. {Psalm 130:7-8}

xoxo

Samantha

My Old Strength Is My New Friend.

image

Good evening, from my little green loveseat in my room.  I’m sitting with the pile of laundry to my left, pictured in the above photo. I knew that would happen.  Here, I have this huge walk in closet, and the minute I move my little green sofa in here, it wears multiple hats - a junk drawer, coat hanger, dresser, and sitting tool - all in one little green loveseat.  

These clothes are only but a small fraction of the laundry lists I have in my current days. 

I know that seems fairly vague, and mysterious, but I assure you - it’s nothing more than a poetic way of describing that I have a lot of ‘stuff’ to take care of in my day-to-day tasks.  

Do you ever get so overwhelmed with the way things are, that you just want to leave? I suppose that’s why people self medicate  - to retreat from what they feel they can’t face? 

I know that I can face whatever comes why way, head on.  I’ve stared fear in the face for many years, and I’ve dealt with trauma, and pain, and I’ve survived floods and bruisings because I was created to fight, and ask for help, and release control, and let others go to bat for me when I felt I couldn’t do it on my own.  I’ve watched a lot of stormed pass in my life because I have hope. 

Today, I’m not facing any huge storms.  For the first time in what feels like forever, I love sitting where I’m sitting.  I’m not running from chaos these days, and I’m enjoying contentment in larger doses, as opposed to smaller ones.  However, there is still that feeling of wanting somewhere else to go - new challenges, new people, new atmospheres… 

While there are ideas in the mix - hastey, emotional decisions never have worked for me in the past.  I’ve put my hope, my strength, and my love in all the Jesus is, and all that He’s done for me.  

Praying that whether your laundry list is just laundry, or it’s covering other bases, that you find and remember where your strength lies.  In Him. With His heart.  

xoxo

Sam

Slowing down yesterday was an incredible way to help today be a great way to start the week. Ending the glorification of &#8220;busy&#8221;, one Saturday at a time&#8230; 💜 #instaquote @lysaterkeurst #theBword #endit

Slowing down yesterday was an incredible way to help today be a great way to start the week. Ending the glorification of “busy”, one Saturday at a time… 💜 #instaquote @lysaterkeurst #theBword #endit

We&#8217;re going to do this
together Daughter; 
I am your Perfect Father, 
and together, we dont just &#8216;manage&#8217; or &#8216;get by&#8217;. We walk through it
and fight it.

This morning I sat, and I listened. It&#8217;s been a while.

We’re going to do this
together Daughter;
I am your Perfect Father,
and together, we dont just ‘manage’ or ‘get by’. We walk through it
and fight it.

This morning I sat, and I listened. It’s been a while.

The sky still pops and burns as I lay in bed, and I have these lyrics stuck in my brain: &#8220;it&#8217;s ringing from the skies, like cannons in the night, the music of the universe displayed - You are holy, great and mighty, the moon and the stars declare who you are. I&#8217;m so unworthy, but still you love me. Forever my heart will sing of how great you are&#8221;. ||  🇺🇸 💥💥💥 #vscocam #letfreedomring #merica #fireworks #america #cannons #philwickham

The sky still pops and burns as I lay in bed, and I have these lyrics stuck in my brain: “it’s ringing from the skies, like cannons in the night, the music of the universe displayed - You are holy, great and mighty, the moon and the stars declare who you are. I’m so unworthy, but still you love me. Forever my heart will sing of how great you are”. || 🇺🇸 💥💥💥 #vscocam #letfreedomring #merica #fireworks #america #cannons #philwickham

Because I’m human - and I need it.

My house was quiet this morning as I pulled the window open in my room at 7:15.  Birds softly chirped from the trees close by, and I sunk back deep down into my feather comforter, remembering yesterday when I had all four wisdom teeth pulled.  

I haven’t been home for two weeks because I’ve been house sitting;  sleeping in my own bed last night, though a bit uncomfortable because on my mouth, was so lovely.  My mom took such great care of me too.  She took me to my appointment, waited 2.5 hours for the procedure to be done with, and drove me home afterwards.  The procedure took so long because they had to cut clear down to the bone on three of my teeth, and then, crack away at it piece by piece and remove it.  I have 3 sutures in my mouth, causing a bit more pain than I’d like them to, however, vicodin has been amazing, and helpful.  

Mama and I watched close to 6 episodes of Parenthood last night, curled and cuddled up in bed with her pups Ruby. She snapped some pictures of me while I was dead asleep, and then bought me ice cream. I haven’t had dairy or sugar, mind you, in 20 days - so what a treat it was indeed! I was awake until about 1am.  No more ice cream for me for 11 more days! Green and Fruit Smoothies all the way baby! 

Hopefully, my optimism about this entire situation will help make for a speedy recovery.  I’m on a liquid diet, per dentist’s orders, for the rest of the week.  It’ll be fine.  I’ll be fine :) 

While I sip my smoothie, and cozy myself back into my soft bed, I’m reminded that even in the weirdest moments of my life, I am tied to Christ, and my even with my Mama here to help me, I am still in ever need of His comfort, support, and sustenance. 

Here’s some hope I’m gleaning from. Something I’ll be thinking on for the weekend - declaring, and asking for help. Because I’m human - and I need it.

 ”The Lord is good, and does only good. Teach me your ways oh Lord”. 

Psalm 119:68

xoxo Samantha

WHOLE30 DAY 14 || I haven&#8217;t been posting many food pictures this weekend, as I&#8217;ve been busy relaxing, being with friends and enjoying screenless time. Tomorrow marks the upswing of my downhill journey with whole30, and I seriously feel amazing, more balanced than ever, and confident that I can continue this when these 30 days are over. I&#8217;m SO THANKFUL for all of the amazing feedback and support I&#8217;ve gotten from so many of my friends, and instafollowers. You guys keep me accountable, and it&#8217;s been such a amazing feeling. So! Here&#8217;s to the last 15 days! May they be the beginning and continuation of this transformation! 

#whole30 #livewell #shwhole30 #whole30story #whole30day14

WHOLE30 DAY 14 || I haven’t been posting many food pictures this weekend, as I’ve been busy relaxing, being with friends and enjoying screenless time. Tomorrow marks the upswing of my downhill journey with whole30, and I seriously feel amazing, more balanced than ever, and confident that I can continue this when these 30 days are over. I’m SO THANKFUL for all of the amazing feedback and support I’ve gotten from so many of my friends, and instafollowers. You guys keep me accountable, and it’s been such a amazing feeling. So! Here’s to the last 15 days! May they be the beginning and continuation of this transformation!

#whole30 #livewell #shwhole30 #whole30story #whole30day14